Leveling Fluids
by Valeriasg1
Summary: A humorous spin on the alien aphrodisiac drug cliché.


"Have you found something

"Have you found something? Anything?" John's voice was strained, his teeth gritted in the attempt to rein in all the delicious sensations coursing through his body. In a different situation, he would have gladly yielded to those sensations and to the woman in his arms, but what was left of his sense of duty and respect for his boss kept him from making a show of himself in front of his team.

Rodney lifted his eyes from the screen he was studying intently and turned his head towards him, tossing him a half glare even as he tried to avoid looking directly at him. "How am I supposed to work if you don't shut up? These are delicate procedures, you know."

"We understand, Rodney," Elizabeth joined in, panting slightly. She was sitting on the small infirmary bed, her legs dangling from the edge of the mattress and John cradled between them, the heat of her skin burning through his pants. "But the situation is critical, and it's getting more difficult to control each minute."

John's hands were slowly sliding upwards from her hips, taking her red shirt with them in their journey. His blood heated in his veins at every inch of smooth, toned stomach that was presented to his eyes. He licked his lips and seized the hems of the shirt, the fabric rumpling between his fingers.

_This shouldn't be happening._

"Hey, hey, hey! Clothes _on_, for God's sake!" Out of the corner of his eye he saw Rodney making a wild gesture at them, his voice an octave higher than usual. He would have been thoroughly amused at the scientist's blatant discomfort if the circumstances hadn't been so embarrassing for both him and Elizabeth.

McKay's constant bitching and occasional flailing just took the whole thing one step closer to hysteria.

A pressure on his lower back – Elizabeth's hands – urged him closer. He shuffled his feet a little, finding a comfortable position between her legs that would allow him to bring their bodies flush together. His intention to shoot a witty remark at Rodney got shoved to the back of his mind as Elizabeth's lips found the side of his neck.

Her ankles crossed behind his legs, the heel of one boot digging in the back of his thigh, keeping him in place. The tip of her tongue, moist and smooth, darted out to taste his skin. His fingers tightened convulsively around her hips, and his breath caught in his throat.

"Elizabeth's right, it's getting harder to control." He let his hands wander again under her shirt, caressed the warm velvet of her back in long strokes as Elizabeth continued her thorough exploration of his neck.

"Yeah, I can see that." Rodney retorted, his eyes conveniently glued to the computer screen.

John swallowed the tight knot in his throat. "You make it sound as if I'm having fun." His nostrils were dangerously close to the rich brown of Elizabeth's hair and the lingering scent of smoke and the exotic spices from the planet they'd just visited. He buried his nose in her soft curls for a long moment, breathing her in.

"Well, it sure does look like it." Rodney reiterated.

"You're just jealous because you're immune to the stuff." He found Rodney's continuous remarks frustrating, but as long as they distracted him from all the inappropriate things he'd like to do to his boss right now, he wasn't going to complain. Not too much at least.

"Oh, yes, jealous. I'll have you know that behaving like a horny teenager in front of the whole expedition, which, I might add, is not new for you, is _not_ a secret fantasy of mine."

John was incredibly grateful when Dr.Beckett, closely followed by a worried, but unmistakably amused Teyla, walked into their curtained corner of infirmary, his eyes on a printed sheet of paper, presumably their test results.

Elizabeth sighed, relief evident in her voice. "Carson. Please, tell me you have good news."

"I'm afraid not, Elizabeth." "Your hormone levels have spiked since our last test, and they're reaching critical levels. Even if we're able to isolate whatever it is that is making Rodney immune to this substance, we might not have enough time to develop an antidote."

John swallowed again. This wasn't good. "How's Ronon?" He queried. The Satedan had downed an entire mug of the beverage before Teyla could warn them of the after effects, which was much more than the few sips he and Elizabeth had ingested.

He had been too busy flirting with Elizabeth, his eyes glued to her slender, beautiful body, to notice that Ronon had disappeared for a solid hour with one of the local girls, a young woman with long, brown hair and a slightly tanned skin who'd been eyeing him the entire evening.

When he had returned to sit by the bonfire he had looked much more lucid than John actually felt. The strong headache Ronon was suffering prompted them to leave the still blazing party and report to the infirmary as soon as possible.

That, and John's very inappropriate thoughts about his boss.

Carson nodded in the general direction of the other beds. "I'm keeping him in observation, but his endorphin levels are within the normal range. I believe the agent is out of his system."

Another dry knot formed in John's throat. "So, we still have that option, right?" The implied meaning of his words made him very uncomfortable, yet his level of arousal spiked at the mental image of him and Elizabeth tangled together in bed. His legs felt like rubber, and his cock twitched in anticipation against the warm softness of Elizabeth's thigh. Her eyes grew wide, and he couldn't suppress a small smile.

The doctor nodded again. "Aye. And at the moment, it's still the most viable one."

John drew a calming breath and steadied his voice as much as he could in his condition. "Good to know. Teyla, when this is over we are going to have a little chat about what we're allowed to eat or drink when we're off world."

Teyla bowed her head apologetically. "I'm incredibly sorry, John, but I did not recognize the beverage until I could smell it. It is unusual for them to administer this particular brew at this time of the year. In my years of experience with these people, I have only seen them make use of it during ceremonies and on the autumn equinox."

"They've suffered massive losses during the last culling, it's possible that they're making extra use of it. They need the population to grow." Carson offered.

"Maybe we should just get it over with."

He said the words quickly, before he could regret it. At that point, Elizabeth was rocking her hips so insistently against him that he thought he was going to come into his pants in front of everyone. He suppressed a moan, and his hands went once again at Elizabeth's sides, trying to still her movements.

"I believe the word you're looking for is 'get down'." Rodney mumbled rather smugly.

Carson looked from Elizabeth to John and back. "Are you sure? Elizabeth?"

She nodded, her face strained with the effort of keeping her raging hormones in check. "You said it yourself that you don't know whether you can have an antidote ready before the chemical imbalance kills us. Honestly, I'd rather feel awkward in the morning than die."

"Besides, I wouldn't want _death by sex deprivation_ to be on my epitaph." John reiterated. "Look, I'll have my radio with me, if we don't get back to you in half an hour, contact us."

Carson grabbed a radio from the desk and turned it on. "Which room will you be in?"

Elizabeth's answer was immediate. "My bed's bigger."

John reluctantly stepped back from Elizabeth and helped her jump down from the infirmary bed. He didn't release her hands afterwards.

"Right. So, I'll hear from you in a while. If you feel something is wrong, don't hesitate to call me." Beckett looked all business, but it was easy to read the lingering discomfort on his apparently straight face.

"Carson and I will be here, continuing our research and trying not to think of what you two will be doing in there." Rodney called from his station.

Elizabeth turned to look at him and spoke before John could think of a sharp remark. "Rodney, ple-"

He lifted both hands in front of his chest in surrender. "Fine, fine. I'll shut up now. Good luck."

John felt Elizabeth squeeze his hand, searching for reassurance, before she spoke again. "Thanks."

He squeezed her hand back, and led her out of the infirmary.

John was vaguely aware of the radio crackling to life on Elizabeth's bedside table, breaking the silence. Carson's voice followed immediately, distorted by the speakers and sounding like a series of croaks in his head, still foggy with sleep. His forehead throbbed with what promised to be the mother of all headaches later in the day. He exhaled in a tired huff.

Elizabeth must have felt it, too, because she shifted lightly beneath him and mumbled something unintelligible. He buried his face further in the side of her neck and nestled closer to the curve of her body with a soft, tired moan. He hoped she would get the message. The bed felt good and warm, as did she, half under, half next to him, and he was too exhausted to even think about changing position for the next few days, let alone actually getting out of bed.

"Headache." Elizabeth mumbled again, turning her head to the other side. She stretched slowly, almost carefully, as if testing her limbs. Maybe she was sore; there was a stiffness in his own lower back that he usually associated with disastrous sparring sessions with Ronon. He had to admit that their, um, lovemaking hadn't been particularly gentle, but she had seemed not to care at the moment.

He dropped a kiss on her collarbone, his fingers flexing in her curls. "Me, too. You okay?"

"Mh." She nodded, and just then Carson's voice made itself heard again, Rodney burbling something next to him. "We should get that." Elizabeth's voice was still drowsy, but he didn't miss the hint of amusement in her tone.

"Y'right." With an incredible effort of willpower, he rolled off her and took hold of the radio. He let his head fall back on the pillows as he pushed the button and brought the device to his lips.

"Carson, we're both alive, despite massive headaches." He turned to gaze at Elizabeth. She lay on her side, the blanket wrapped tightly around her chest, her attention on the conversation and a self-conscious look printed on her face.

The doctor explained that the headache could be the indication of a drastic drop in hormone levels, and if that was true, John was happy to deal with it for a few hours. When he was asked whether the other symptoms were still present, though, he didn't know how to respond.

"I don't want to jump her anymore, if that's what you mean." The overwhelming urge of the previous hours was gone, but the need to be with her still lingered within him; a ghost left behind by his raging hormones. Or maybe it had been there before, and he was just acknowledging it now.

He reached out with his free hand to touch hers, gripping the blankets so tight in front of her chest that her knuckles had turned white. She offered him a weak smile that he returned, hoping to look confident enough to reassure her.

"He wants to see us in the infirmary for other tests." John told her once he had ended the conversation with the doctor. "He's quite positive that our hormone levels should return to normal in few hours now that we have…"

"Consummated?" Elizabeth offered.

"It's as good as a word as any." He shrugged, his thumb circling the back of her hand. "I'll need to shower and find some fresh clothes before heading to the infirmary. Let's say I meet you here in fifteen?"

"That should give me enough time." She nodded, and didn't hesitate to scoot closer when he gave a light tug at the blankets enveloping her. Her head rested on his shoulder. "You know, we'll have to talk about this."

He was still feeling incredibly awkward, but he managed one of his trademark sheepish grins. "We can't put all those nasty details in the report."

The ghost of a smile graced Elizabeth's lips for the fraction of a second. "I'm serious, John."

"Just, not now, please. Too much of an headache for serious talking." He scrubbed his face tiredly.

Elizabeth nodded her agreement. "I second that. I want to be sure that any residual effects have worn off as well." He sensed her hesitation on that last sentence, and he was glad that whatever he was feeling, it was there for her as well.

She got off the bed, bringing the blankets with her and leaving him exposed to chill of the room.  
She bent down and placed a soft kiss on his lips, eliciting an appreciative moan from John. Elizabeth smiled shyly, her eyes looking away from his face. "I'll see ya later."

"Later." He watched her slim frame disappear into the small bathroom. As she closed the door behind herself, John let his eyes drift shut for a moment, and lost himself in her scent, lingering on the sheets and on his skin.

He didn't want to wash it away.


End file.
